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How Much for a Little Screw?: Tales from Behind the Counter, by Graham Higson
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Based on true stories ...
Strippers, grippers, knickers, knockers, nippers, nipples and ballcocks.
You can buy anything in the local hardware shop—well almost. It’s the legendary Aladdin’s cave with fixes for everything from a leaking pipe, a shattered groyne, a wobbly bladder (—er, that should be ladder) to a broken heart. And some remedies are not so easy to find, such as the cure for a case of the potentially lethal bad HED.
But in the provincial town of Little Sniffingham the predators are looming like scheming forces of evil, determined to pillage and plunder the town centre, smashing shopkeepers aside in their wake.
This book is one man’s memoir—a treasure trove of anecdotes, some tinged with humour, others with disappointment, some are downright bizarre—his guide to observing life from behind a shop counter. We all know him: he's the innocent looking chap in the DIY shop who listens with sympathy and understanding to all your problems ... and maybe writes them down.
- Sales Rank: #7928994 in Books
- Published on: 2014-11-11
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.00" h x .81" w x 5.00" l, .78 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 356 pages
About the Author
GRAHAM HIGSON lives in an outlying Pennine village and shares this blustery environment with a growing collection of books, his understanding wife and a workshop piled high with offcuts of oak. His two grown-up children are among his best friends. He has a BSc degree in technology (in which he managed to sneak a course about playwriting), and an MA in Professional Writing. Having written professionally for over 25 years (and then some, he says), Oak Seer: A Supernatural Mystery was the first of his published novels, followed by Flither Lass, a historical novel set during the First World War. His fictionalized memoir How Much for a Little Screw? was based on his 22 years as a hardware man. He lists his hobbies as swimming, reading, watching lots of screen drama, helping to republish the novels of Leo Walmsley, and searching for that elusive moment of self-discovery.
Most helpful customer reviews
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
Belly laughs galore
By To be Frank...
I hate DIY with a vengeance – the Black and Decker power drill my best man gave me at my wedding 20 years ago is still sitting unopened in my shed – but I had no problem reading and laughing my head off about it in this wonderfully warm and funny account of a local hardware shop going under somewhere ‘opp north’ in Little Sniffingham. It’s a very topical story – the last shop like Graham’s in my native Kingston upon Thames was also forced out by unsympathetic banks, parking charges and anonymous chain stores a year ago – and a sad one too, since I can’t buy a 100 watt light bulb anywhere now (Wickes and B & Q are not allowed to sell them) except…erm…at my local newsagent.
So what of the book itself? Well, it’s as cheeky as its title, and features a stellar cast of characters including the prophetic and mouse-retrieving M.D. (could see Ronnie Barker playing him, a real Arkwright from Open All Hours), hapless apprentice Greville (a likely David Jason from the same series), punky and pierced Sapphire, blunt and ever-cheerful ex-actress Sharon, and of course the much put upon but ever (except for one occasion) sanguine Graham himself. What a great sit-com this would make, the humour is so visual and the gags just keep a coming. Highlights for me were Rita’s prune nipples, Trace’s battery-operated rabbits, Greville’s heroics with an aerosol glue can, Sharon’s fab one-liners like “I can spot a bloke with reptile dysfunction at fifty paces”, and of course the shop Christmas do which had me literally falling off my chair. “It’s nobbut a twig,” says the M.D. when shown Rita’s attempt at a Christmas tree. “I’ve got bigger bristles on my chin!”
“There’s no such thing as a happy ending”, Graham tells Greville when his curious assistant asks why he is jotting down notes for a memoir, but he’s wrong. At the end of this book I was smiling from ear to ear.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
LOL funny and a great look back on the good old ...
By Laurie
LOL funny and a great look back on the good old days of your neighborhood hardware store. Graham will take you through his life of trying to stay afloat in his hardware store in a little town in England with his Eclectic group of workers, including the "Old Man" who seems to have been there for 100 years. Not to mention the cast of characters that enter their life at the hardware store on a daily and weekly basis. At one point they even start selling ladies undergarments to help bring in some extra revenue. I highly recommend this book to anyone that love's a good laugh with a little bit of nostalgia.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Can't Wait for the Movie
By Jan Butterfield
This is an excellent book. Well written with plenty of clever humor and a just enough pathos to keep the reader flicking the pages as fast as possible. I really can see this translated into a movie, given how well Mr. Higson draws his characters and brings us into the small world of shop-keeping in a struggling town. Highly recommended.
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